It’s been roughly 48 hours since you asked me to let you go. I wish I could’ve said no. I wish I could go back and change my mind. I can’t do this. This is so much worse than us being in limbo. It’s torture, hell. I don’t think anything has ever hurt so badly. Why can’t you see that this is killing me. Take away my pain. I’m begging you to make it stop. I don’t know what to do…
I still love you.
Your love </3
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The difference between now and before is before I was completely numb to being without you. There were things we never did together. Levels we never reached. I knew going back to not talking was impossible at least not without some serious pain. That’s where I’m at now. I feel like I can’t breathe without you. You said this hurts you too. But we can’t be together not until we are together. This isn’t fair.
I’m falling apart.
I just need you. I need you. I miss you. My heart is broken into a million pieces right now.
I wish I was yours…
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When I woke up this morning and rolled over you were gone. I was sure I could feel you, hear you breathing. The bed was still warm where I was sure you were laying. I rolled over and ran my hand across your pillow; still warm– indented.
–Closed my eyes and sighed–
I guess when the sunlight poured in through the shades you faded back into my memory.
I hate being apart from you. Rolling over and you not being there. Realizing it was all just a dream.
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I could be nestled in your arms right now,
And not have had to hang up with you.
If I could be with you outside,
And not cooking dinner.
If I could have …
If I could just be with you.
Distance isn’t friendly.
Sometimes I hate that we are so close,
But so far apart.
The pain that separates us,
Is the only thing that understands.
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I don’t want it to seem like I only use this to vent, thought maybe I should write something positive for a change. Truth is we do have many good days but instead of using them for inspiration I just tend to relish in them.
I have to say that I’m happy we have Saturdays back, but I miss not getting everyday. Although the fact is sometimes I’d have to choose between you and sleep and you already know I’m not so great at making that decision.
Speaking of such, I don’t remember anything really that you said last night as I was falling asleep. I only remember your voice.
Which is my favorite way to fall asleep.
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Everyday that we are apart is harder than the last one. Especially when you start confessing that it’s hard for you too. I just wish something about this was easy. I think the worst part about all of this is in the beginning you used to talk about me. I was a part of your existence. But now I’ve become this weird imaginary person. Too far away to really exist. You won’t even claim me in the only place that is like public… And I don’t mean in status type claiming. But me changing my profile picture is a iffy topic. I think you’re embarrassed. I’ve become your scarlet letter I guess. And you stopped listening to our Pandora, then referred to the other as mine not ours. You know when you can feel your heart breaking? And swallowing, breathing, smiling all is so much harder? I’m there, and when I feel you slipping further away from me each day… And see other people taking my place… So much harder.
Your Love <3
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I kinda miss waking up to these, well I miss waking up to random texts period.
We have been with each other for the most important moments of my life. I just want to say thank you. Even if all of this ended tomorrow i still want you to know that the time i have spent with you means the world to me. You don’t see, and you never will understand just how much you mean to me. Changed me. Your a very special woman and to be honest completely, the only woman that made me feel real love. Our distance bothers me but if i have to wait a litle longer then so be it. So many many times i hurt to touch you, by that i mean that when i think about you my heart really does ache like it wants to run after you lol. I can’t explain everything i feel, but i try almost every night. All I’ve told you is just replacement words for what i feel and can’t express. Love is an understatement. Its such a universal word. I love my Xbox but i don’t want to marry it. Understand? You and me baby love doesn’t hold the same meaning. Your the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last when I go to sleep. I need you for anything I do. I’m the lucky one to have found a person, a goddess, to share my life with. Believe in them or not your my angel. And from day to day I can’t wait to see what you do next. Sooner or later everyone will find out just how great of a woman you are and I can say “she’s always been amazing, and she’s my soulmate” I love you.
It means the world to me too, at this point I don’t think I could actually live without you. And I feel that ache too, but the part I hate most about our distance is as this month continues and as you gradually get sadder there’s nothing I can do about it, which makes me sad.
I love you too,
I don’t know that everyone will think I’m great, but ultimately it doesn’t really matter.
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